Because it's when she seems to be most lacking in sanity.

Steve the Enemy says:
what do you call those things women use?
Steve the Enemy says:
sanity towels?

28/09/05

Computers and languages and computer-related languages.

Richard Manns says:
STILL no spamming - ;)
Bailey:
WHOA.
Bailey:
Do you think the spambots have testicles to worry about?
Richard Manns says:
Don't know - mebbe they think that even if they don't, I'll somehow FIND SOME.
(The above was a reference to the threat in Richard's last posting.)


Richard Manns says:
I think I shall use the word "Gosh" more in my daily language.
Bailey says:
But it will make your language so much more... colourless. :P
Richard Manns says:
True - I shall perform more multi-coloured yawns to compensate.


Richard Manns says:
Help - I'm talking to Steve about leet speak - MAKE THE PAIN STOP...
Bailey offers Richard a painkiller suitable for the removal of leet-related pain (c0-c0d4m01)
Richard Manns says:
Only if in huge doses and delivered to Steve...

On Catholicism.

Today, in the kitchen...
Angela:
Is he [Richard] a Catholic?
Me:
Um, no.
Angela:
But his mother's a Catholic... that could mean he's a nice Catholic boy...

Naturally, Richard proved her wrong not much later.

Bailey says:
I thought you'd gone.
Richard Manns says:
I had.
Richard Manns says:
Then I came back.
Richard Manns says:
Messiah-like.
Richard Manns says:
*flaps wings*
Bailey bashes Richard with rosary beads, and enjoys the sizzling sound it makes...
Richard Manns says:
Rosary beads aren't that heavy - OH NO - it's the Rosary beads from the Catholic Martial Arts schools... *gasp*
Richard Manns says:
Upright to dead within 2 Hail Marys! :-O
Bailey goes off to fill a CPS with holy water
Bailey says:
You know that all Catholics apparently have the right to baptise someone into the faith, possibly at any time but certainly in cases of emergency - with ordinary water, too...
Bailey says:
All I have to do is yell about the Father, Son and Holy Spirit while I soak you and you're *ours*... :P
Richard Manns says:
Cool - :)
Richard Manns says:
*bursts into laughter*
Richard Manns says:
Oh yes, screaming about God whilst you moisten me...

I have to point out that this was while my mother was reading over my shoulder. 28/09/05, 5-ish pm.

All very proper...

2.20pm
Bailey says:
I don't know why I have this need to be doodling all the time :S
Steve the Enemy says:
my gf is an artist :D:D:D
Steve the Enemy is proud
Steve the Enemy raises her price on sellyourgirlfriend.com


4.00pm
Steve the Enemy says:
they are making fun of stuff i said last night :D
Bailey says:
Ah right
Bailey says:
well, you can't have a conversation about breasts and thongs and not expect some repercussions :P
Bailey says:
Repercussions is such a great word when talking about breasts
Bailey says:
Makes you think of something bouncing off of them
Steve the Enemy says:
i just told IRC that :P
Steve the Enemy says:
btw, everyone on IRC lost the game on what you said about Repercussions

28/09/05, Steve talks of many interesting things

Sockses...

It was late... I was tired... so...

Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
Indeed - but onto happier things - SOCKS!
Bailey says:
WOO SOCKS!
Bailey says:
I got lots of new socks this week!
Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
Indeed - is there ANYWHERE a sock cannot go?
Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
Over hills and down dales?
Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
Around mobile phones and willies if you've run out of condoms?
Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
Don't answer that.
Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
Tired...
Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
Damn it - I would have really enjoyed a conversation about socks...
Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
Anyway, bed calls and I must take my pills to stop the furniture from talking to me.
Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
"The mattress moves in mysterious ways..."
Bailey says:
You know *all* of this is being quoted, right?

And later...

Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
Oh yes - having shaved properly today, my face is as smooth as a baby's arse - it's rather nice...
Bailey says:
:O
Bailey says:
RICHARD FEELS BABIES' ARSES!
Bailey says:
HE THINKS THEY FEEL NICE!
Bailey says:
PAEDOOOOOOOOOOO.....
Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
They are nice - in a non-sexual way - oh Sarah, will you ever think of children in a non-sexual way...
Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
Actually, it's less smooth than most girl's faces that I know, tbh, but still...
Bailey says:
Unfortunately, not when you're involved, because then I can use paedophilia jokes against you.
Richard Manns "she doesn't ooze sexuality, she just oozes" says:
I see - *shuffles in dodgy coat and gibbers*

Quite.

Dear Spammers - it's HOT-CHESTNUTS-ONLY-THEY'RE-YOUR-BOLLOCKS-THIS-TIME time...

I know where you live...
Well, I don't, but if you don't live within one of my court injunctions, I'll FIND YOU...

Yours sincerely,
The Grape Crusher

PS Hmmm... crunchy.

No one really understands exactly how much my family like tea.

Gerard:
You're making tea! Bless you.
Me:
Didn't sneeze.
Gerard:
I meant, bless you, and may your... goats... uh... reap fruitful-
Me:
I don't even want to know where this is going.

Walrus say: wtf mate?

Steve the Enemy says:
i asked her an hour ago
Steve the Enemy says:
so, i think you'll find, it was moi, who coo coo ce shooed

...
Right.

9.00pm 27/09/05, Steve claims credit for coercing a companion to call by Cambridge. Vive l'allitération, vive le walrus.

Mother?

This was in our car (hmmm, Jag...) but I thought I ought to quote it...

My brother (Will): Mum, stop doing that to me.
My mum (Ana): What?
W: THAT.
A: But I LIKE doing it...
W: Well do it to yourself.
A: But I like doing it to other people more than I like doing it to myself...

She was tickling his feet, OF COURSE.

Some countries are just diseased.......

Steve:
You need to tell me what injections, paracetamol etc. to have before going to malaria... I mean, Malaysia.

--Steve, Kings Bar

Religion! And Ana's first appearance...

Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
I want to start a religious sect...
Ana says:
wıth you as leader?
Ana says:
sounds dangerous
Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
no, I would be a "Conduit to the Almighty"
Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
so in effect, a leader, yes
Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
I'd be the one taking the money and telling them what to worship
Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
the Church of The Seaside
Ana says:
you are odd
Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
worship The Seaside, and fish and chips may descend upon you
Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
or rather, unto me, because I am your link with The Seaside
Ana says:
but wıthout the fısh ı assume
Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
except the fish bit of fish and chips, because I, sorry, The Seaside, has declared that unholy
Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
only those who fry their chips in vegetable oil and in a seperate fryer will be saved when the second coming of The Seaside occurs
Ana says:
you defınıtely need help
Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
see, I've created a religion from scratch! it's easy!
Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
everyone should have their own religion
Ana says:
what and have sort of 1 on 1 wars over them?
Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
I could design them and then sell "Religion in a box", with your own holy book and list of disciples and things
Packingopotamus - Nudge for attention... says:
I'd make a killing
Ana says:
you do that, ı wıll get a proper job to support you when you faıl

Nick presents his ideas on surviving in the Real World, post-Cambridge

Nibbling? Like, on chocolate digestives?

Richard Manns | *runs out of things to say* says:
I see that Steph has returned from his BOOMBOOMing in Derry - :D
Bailey says:
lol
Bailey says:
Define "BOOMBOOMing"?
Richard Manns | *runs out of things to say* says:
BOOMBOOM v.t. (buumbuum)
1) to apply the Steve-perfected art that involves wearing of scarves in summer.
2) to blast one's partner away with sexual prowess and just the right amount of nibbling.

More pastafarianism

curiouser and curiouser says:
the attachment after your name, does to my mind either stand for; the world wrestling federation of sadomasochism and domination or if not that then the world wildlife fund of the same type
curiouser and curiouser says:
i assume one of these is correct...
Nickopotamus says:
well, to be fair, it's neither
Nickopotamus says:
though the idea of a world wrestling federation of sadomasochism and domination sounds amusing
Nickopotamus says:
it actually stands for "what would flying spaghetti monster do?"
curiouser and curiouser says:
oh. ok.
curiouser and curiouser says:
presumably he would be a member of the wwf for S&D
curiouser and curiouser says:
and since it appears to therefore not exist, I shall make myself queen of it.

The flying spaghetti monster touches another person with his noodly appendage

Pressing times...

The following occurred in a recent Minesweeper game...

Richard Manns | "Ooooh, my sarcasm sense is tingling..." says:
2 for you - :D
Starfish says:
Thanks ! - :P
Richard Manns | "Ooooh, my sarcasm sense is tingling..." says:
*flinches - but with one eye only*
Starfish says:
O.O [stunned smiley]

[Richard then hits a 5]

Richard Manns | "Ooooh, my sarcasm sense is tingling..." says:
*flinches - with both eyes - but separately*
Richard Manns | "Ooooh, my sarcasm sense is tingling..." says:
1 for you... *attempts to attract Celery to the computer - :P*
Starfish says:
sorry babe
Richard Manns | "Ooooh, my sarcasm sense is tingling..." says:
Don't worry - I know that men press as heavily upon your precious time as they do upon your body... :D

Coda: Rasputin's Wrath

[Edit 16/9/05]
I'm afraid that this post no longer contains a quote from one of us, because Rasputin was fairly annoyed at the former contents of this post (if you know what it used to say, don't spread it around please.) I apologise sincerely to Rasputin.

So now it quotes something else instead. It's still funny.

[Original material]
I'm also going to use this post to mention an interesting blog I found through a comment left on Bailey's brother's website. LighterFluid (you KNOW the name was going to catch my eye!) is a group effort like ours, although in a completely different vein and has been going for longer. (Although we've been established for a while, just offline, aren't we archaic.)

Anyway, the first thing I saw there was the motto:
We're Australian, we're women, we're better than you.

I wondered how seriously they mean that, but that's irrelevant at the moment anyhow. My point is, we could have a motto almost exactly like that:
We're English, we're women, we're better than you.

Note to our 'more mature' readers - the B in the previous sentence should actually be a W.

I thank you.

[To the casual reader, especially Bourbonbird, whose link I followed: this is funny because approximately half of us are Irish (the rest are English but ooh! the tension!), only approximately half of us have been proven to be women, and... 'nuff said.]

Special Guest Star: Rasputin Mataharavitch

It was coming up to five in the morning on the 12th of September in my part of the world. I can only postulate that Insomnia, that conniving, depraved devil, had slipped granulated Pro-Plus into the Coke I had at the pub.

thinks very hard about this

Or maybe my caffeine resistance has declined out of term-time.

This episode shines the Special Guest Star Spotlight (complete with its own font and colour!) on Rasputin Mataharavitch, whom most of us know and some of us love. If you didn't know it already, here he shows himself to be just as ... individual ... as the rest of us.


Cez:
Been at the computer a bit long, I apologise for wrgh-ness.
Rasputin:
wrgh?
Cez:
WRGH.
Cez:
(ness)
Rasputin:
oh hang on - you mean 'wurgh'
Rasputin:
we spell it differently in ireland


Rasputin then kindly offered to "tell a really boring story" which would hopefully put me to sleep. I gladly accepted, and he began.


once upon a time, there was a man
one day he got up
went and had a shower
ate breakfast
and went off to work


I assured him that my eyelids had begun drooping at this point. (I wasn't lying, either.)


he got to the train station
and looked at the timetable for the next train
there was one at 9.05
one at 9.15
one at 9.5
9.25 sorry (hope the typo hasn't helped get you interested in the story at all)


It had. "D'oh," he said, before ploughing onwards.


one at 9.35
one at 9.45
one at 9.55
then one every half hour from 10.15 through till 5.45
anyway, it was 9.22, so the man decided to get the one at 9.25
but it was delayed so he only was able to get it at 9.28
he was three minutes late for work as a result
but it was okay cos his boss was understanding, sometimes these things just happen you know
anyway the man sat down in front of his computer and started work
yes! he was a naccountant

Rasputin:
...how long are you going to keep reading this rubbish?


Until I fell asleep in my chair.


okay well the man checked to see if any companies were going to collapse in financial scandal in the near future, but none of them were
so he decided to read the paper
but it was silly season so there weren't any interesting news stories
so he played tetris on his computer
he tried to beat his high score of 496.
but the best he could do was 387


Here I expressed my opinion of how poor a score that was. But I suppose I shouldn't be so harsh towards Rasputin's main antagonist. He's only a naccountant, after all.


eventually he got bored and wandered over to the coffee machine
he got his coffee, and settled back down in his chair
after a while the coffee made him go to the toilet
so he did that
(number ones is all)
oh dear, ive put a taboo subject in the story, which probably makes it interesting
ive failed utterly
id better just get the story over with as quickly as possible


He paused a scant moment to build momentum before the climax.


at that moment, the mafiosi burst into the cubicle and filled him with lead... he died instantly
THE END


The transcripts show that I applauded at great length.


Rasputin says:
the book's out next year
im thinking of writing a novella called 'whiskey and the sausage factory'

Blatant Pastafarianism

Bailey says:
WWFSMD?
Bailey says:
I'd honestly like to know
Bailey says:
Strike down the heathens with his noodly appendages?
Nickopotamus says:
or drink from the beer volcano
Nickopotamus says:
who knows
Bailey says:
Hmmmm, beer volcano
Nickopotamus says:
what *wouldn't* he do?
Bailey says:
Eat spaghetti
Nickopotamus says:
I think he would
Bailey says:
Or insist that life forms were created by the Intelligent Design process
Nickopotamus says:
he might still do that
Nickopotamus says:
who knows how his noodly appendage will work next?
Nickopotamus says:
not I!
Bailey says:
Hmmm
Bailey says:
he will support ID in order to show IT IS NOT THE WAY
Nickopotamus says:
he *will*?
Nickopotamus says:
Be you a prophet?
Bailey says:
Yea, his ravioli angels came unto my room, and they saieth unto me, "The FSM is mysterious in His ways, yea, and ye shall see Him support the travesty that is Intelligent Design unto its timely end, when all shall be shewn by Him that its reasoning be as clear as a well-made spaghetti sauce."
Nickopotamus says:
with or without meatballs?
Bailey says:
I cannot specify, for they didst not mention meatballs, and of that night the angels did say unto me, "Thou shalt not question Him as to the presence of meatballs. For they be of His making, and shalt be present when He deigns it be so, and such things are not for mortals to know before He grants them the vision of the meatballs."
Nickopotamus says:
what else was in the sauce?
Bailey says:
Tomato purée and mushrooms.

Nick and Sarah discuss theology at twenty past midnight on a Sunday night

Best not to ask, really.

Sunday 11/09/05, 7.55pm

Cez says:
I was just about to go look for more knives.
Cez says:
When I'd finished my research on child benefits and tax breaks.
Cez says:
Eep - that came out the wrong way.
Cez says:
Add "in nuclear families" onto the end of that sentence.

A contribution from the Raccoon.

From Raccoon's LJ:

You know your manliness is going when…

You're not watching an England football match…

Instead you're at the cinema with your boyfriend…

Watching Pride and Prejudice…

...

...

...

With tickets you got from heat magazine…

*manly cough/grunt/belch/etc.*

Richard makes up for missing an innuendo, while talking to the esteemed Mrs. Angela Donnelly

This conversation took place without the aid of webcam to let Richard know that he was talking to the mother of the person who was nominally on MSN at the time. The mention of penguins is due to the "Emperor Penguins DO RULE!!" post. Richard did not guess who he was talking to, so had a bit of a surprise when webcam was turned on - although, to be fair, he did realise that something wasn't right.


Thursday 08/09/05, sometime between 11pm and 12am

Richard says:
May I ask why a penguin?
Richard says:
Obviously, seagulls will be disappointed.
Bailey says:
cos there were no kitkats
Richard says:
Aaaaah - it makes SENSE... but getting the biscuity bits out is hell.
Richard says:
Although Twix is worse.
Bailey says:
is there nothing you haven't tried
Richard says:
I haven't tried any of it - but I've heard stories - mostly from my parents, admittedly - +o(
Bailey says:
although you only get 4 fingers in a kitkat
Richard says:
4 fingers isn't enough for you?
Bailey says:
ahh....now i understand
Richard says:
rofllol
Bailey says:
in america you would have a lifetime of therapy for those stories
Richard says:
Yes - they never said they'd done it, but now the idea is in my head, and it won't go away... :'(
Bailey says:
so sue them
Richard says:
NO. SUE YOU.
Richard says:
Because suing you won't eat into my inheritance...
Bailey says:
if they don't spend it all on chocolate bars....
Richard says:
[goes into spasm]

But, honestly... SYNTAX, dammit. I have an MSN manner... where are the excessive ":P" smilies? Where are the "...", the capital letters, the occasional double-question-marked questions?... and since when do I use words like "cos"?

[sigh]

Worth it for this conversation, though. :D

Richard misses an innuendo

I would normally not put a quote as seemingly ordinary as this in, but the fact is, it marks an event which many of us have never before witnessed, and thus deserves mention.

"Mention" to the extent that it ought to be shouted from the rooftops of Cambridge, as the towncriers of days long past screamed the news that Jesus of Nazarene had murdered the noble Pontius Pilate.


RICHARD MANNS MISSED AN INNUENDO !!!!!!!!!


Okay, to be fair he did not realise it for only a second, but it's incredible enough that he wasn't already thinking of it when he typed.

I'm still stunned, at any rate.


Thursday 8th September 2005, 1400 hrs GMT

Cez:
Game over. :(
Richard:
*rubs face in it*
Richard:
*realises another meaning for that*


Still, he made up for it a bit later.


Richard:
lol - I suddenly thought - "Steve the Enemy - likes it hot and creamy..."
Cez:
Where did you get that from ??
Richard:
MY HEAD,
Cez:
Which head ?
Richard:
MY AWFUL, DISGUSTING HEAD.
Richard:
The upper one.


As always, we thank you.



I also thought that I would take this opportunity to plug my idea for a special edition of Blue Boar Fear Factor. For those of you who have not heard of Fear Factor and are as yet unaware of my obsession with it (the wit! the competitive rages! the host who looks not unlike my brother!) can read up on it here:
http://www.nbc.com/Fear_Factor/index.shtml

Applications under my door, please.

Until then, I bid you good day.

Hyperness.

Steve says:
hyper Steve KNOWS NO BOUNDS...
Steve says:
BOUNDS ARE A FOREIGN CONCEPT TO HIM
Steve says:
NO REALLY, YOU TRY TO EXPLAIN BOUNDS TO HIM AND YOU'LL BE THERE ALL DAY
Steve says:
TO NO AVAIL
Steve says:
NO!!!! AV!!!! AIL!!!!!
Bailey says:
Well, you see, bounds are...
Steve says:
asojdpfi
[Steve falls off chair]

Fairly self-explanatory; Steve and Sarah again, at a silly time in the morning on 08/09/05.

Emperor Penguins DO RULE!!!

Steve says:
well, there are some places a penguin should not be
Bailey says:
yes, penguin placement advice duly noted

A worrying conversation between Steve and Sarah as they decide what part penguins should play in their relationship

On God, Jesus H. Christ and Ewoks

Bailey says:
Did you know Jesus killed all the ewoks?
Bailey says:
It's a miracle!
Richard says:
Naaah - just going for the same genocidal tendencies as his dad...
Bailey says:
If *you* had several billion of your children fighting in the other room, wouldn't you occasionally feel they needed more than just a time-out?
Richard says:
Although "kids are arguing a lot, time for the brimstone and Angel of Death" is a little sociopathic to me...

Richard Manns and Sarah Donnelly discuss God's retribution, and the remarkable achievements of Jesus - he also eradicated worship of Anime and manifested himself as an oddly shaped potato chip in a diner in Texas. 07/09/05, around 5.20pm. The conversation. Not the manifestation.

Steve and His Dementiae

Steve the Enemy says:
call it alzheimers, anorexia or dyslexia... whichever is closer and gives me the best deal on my car insurance

From Stephen "BOOM BOOM" McCann to Sarah "SMA-*bounce*" Donnelly and Richard "Kebab" Manns.

Fingers and other signs of masculinity

[Note: the ratio of index finger length to ring finger length indicates the amount of oestrogen vs. the amount of testosterone a foetus receives. The measurement is most significant in men and a markedly long ring finger is apparently a not-unreliable sign of being well-endowed elsewhere, as it shows having received a lot of testosterone.]

Richard says:
PS I measured... my 2D:4D ratio - average lady, 1 - average bloke, 0.95. Richard Manns...
Richard says:
...
Richard says:
...
Richard says:
1.1
Richard says:
I do rather wonder how my testicles dropped at all with that amount of oestrogen...
Bailey says:
they're weighed down by all the ova they contain, obviously...
Richard says:
I did wonder why my willy bled every month...

MSN conversation between Richard Manns and Sarah Donnelly, approx. 6.15pm, 05/09/05

On the use of Cambridge-specific expletives

Long one, but anyway:

Cez says:
country, it's busy again
Bailey says:
what??
Cez says:
the phone
Bailey says:
oh right
Bailey says:
"country" being an expletive?
Cez says:
indeedy
Cez says:
i'm cleaning up my act
Cez says:
For Caians and country !
Bailey says:
heehee
Bailey says:
you know, that's like the two opposites
Bailey says:
Caians = buggery
Bailey says:
country = the place buggers don't use
Cez says:
bwa babab
Cez says:
bwa hahahaha, evenm
Cez says:
bababababa
Cez says:
but yeah, i'm covering all my exits there


- conversation between Sarahs Tang and Donnelly, approx. 3.15pm GMT, 05/09/05

It's not too hard to guess what THIS is about...

"And by "everyone", that might even go to "everything"... "baaaaAAAAA""

"Oh, he isn't a friend - goes to Oxford, eats magic mushrooms and studies Law - i.e. a cunt."


- Richard Manns to Sarah Donnelly, approximately 3 am, 5th September 2005

One by one, you WILL succumb....

After what seems like several eternities of battering those pesky blog salespeople off my virtual doorstep, I have decided that sharing a blog is something I can handle. Especially if it's for such a worthy cause as ensuring the (relative) posterity of the Blue Boar O Crew.

I've decided to include a quote in my first post, so as not to be egotistic and simply announce my presence (coughRichardcough)

and speaking of the devil, here it is!


Richard:
But who knows - size isn't everything - unless your clitoris is in a Fallopian tube somewhere...

7th August 2005

We thank you.

Mwa-HA! I'm in...

:P

CALLING BLUE BOAR

To ease the (not unappreciated) responsibility I've had in being the keeper of The Book, I ask the aid of as many Blue Boars as are willing to help in this effort:

The Book, online.

Or, more precisely, the Quote Book online.

Any of the group willing to help - can you please create a Blogger account? This way the Quote Book can be maintained by a team blog... I admit this is an odd way to do things, but it means that some of the great pearls of wisdom that are uttered when I'm not in the room will still be appropriately honoured, as long as someone writes them down.

Anyway, consider it. If no, I can maintain it on my own, but I can't guarantee the accuracy of the quotes... :P