Duties of a Bridesmaid

Bridesmaid #1: I did my duty, I bagged one of the groomsmen [the bride's best friend].

Bridesmaid #2: Technically, you bagged one of the other bridesmaids.

On dirty stop-outs

The day after a wedding: blow-up mattresses in the bride's parents' living room...

Relative: It looks like everyone has been sleeping in here!

Bridesmaid #2 [meaningful look at Bridesmaid #1]: No, not everyone...

On the effects of castration

Cez: "And if you did men, there would be no more wars!"

Guest Star: "Would they also be tidier and more useful around the house?"

Tufnell Park Underground Station is currently closed

Tube driver [one part helpful, two parts sardonic]: "Customers wishing to alight here, please continue your journey at street level."