The Quote Book

Monday, October 22, 2007

Ones for the medics

I've been resisting the urge to post these for weeks, because they aren't immediately obvious to people less geeky than myself. But they make me laugh every time I see them (I wrote them in the back of my notebook - this was possibly a bad idea as it forces me to stifle a giggle every time I want to write down something a consultant says) and so I thought I might as well share them with the world.

And who knows, you might even learn something!

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At the colorectal clinic:

Doctor [pounding fist emphatically on the table]: "We need to get to the bottom of this."

And later:

Li: "No-one gives a shit about Hirschsprung's ... no pun intended."

A very useful page entitled
What I need to know about Hirschsprung's Disease - i.e. what you need to know about Hirschsprung's Disease (if you don't already) for that joke to be funny/highly offensive. You only need to read the first section.

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Introducing Jet Li

Sorry, the title of the post actually has nothing to do with the contents. Li is my firm partner for my surgery rotation, and has been a constant source of either amusement or irritation to me. What makes him still more invaluable is that he is only a couple of inches taller than me (with my shoes on).

He's pretty laid back, as lazy as I am, and has a passion for long-distance running. That's about all the background you need to know for this anecdote.

Consultant [to a patient]: "You have a runner's frame ... long and lean."

I looked at Li.

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Friday, October 19, 2007

From a lecture...

Lecturer:

"In fact, 25% of you in this room have genital herpes and are unaware of it."

[short, worried silence...]


Male voice from the back, accusingly:

"Greg!"

Typical vet conversations

Tom:
"I'm a very picky non-scavenger. It has to be breathing and twitching when I bite into it... or at least have just fallen out of the tree."

Greg:
"...What's that?"

Tom:
"How to be a fruitarian meat-eater."

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Tom (to Mary): "Kicking the bottom of your clogs is like kicking a tree with an elephant in it."

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Alex: klepto worn down by social convention.

Alex: "I stole my bag from Debenhams."
Me: "... what?!"
Alex: "Well, bought."
Me: "..."
Alex: "Stole but with the handing-over of money."

Saturday, October 06, 2007

That most elusive of Scottish wildlife...

Cez:

"How does that look like a haggis?! It hasn't even got any legs!"

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Introducing our newest guest star!

Thanusha is, like myself, a clinical transfer student from Cambridge. She claims to be from East London, but we have discovered she actually lives in Essex.

Thanusha: "How old are you?"
Celery: "Twenty."
Thanusha: "So are you going to turn 21 at some point?"


Um... yes. Unless that's a death threat?


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In our lecture today we were asked to do a short anatomy quiz for someone's research into the different levels of anatomy teaching in different medical schools. It wasn't too hard and we were pretty confident we had most of them right. After some thought, we made a note after "University" that we had learned our anatomy in Cambridge (credit where credit's due...)

Thanusha: "I've got an idea, let's get them all wrong and put Imperial!"

If it weren't for that the poor guy running the survey looked so stressed, we probably would have, too.

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