Woman. Lecturer. Legend.

A selection of quotes from an infamous female lecturer...

Telling us to keep nails trimmed for rectalling -
"You can have a gin hand and a rectal hand, but one arm needs to be short and shitty."

Describing the size of a mare's cervix -
"You've all seen the size of the end of a stallion's penis - you could stick your whole head in there!"

"Some people prefer to use chains, but I have ropes in my office."

"Now we all know penises are wonderful, but let's face it, they're dirty things."

"Ooh, I'm a very cheap date now."

"Like putting a hand down your shirt, or somebody else's... don't do it now. Later. No, not down my shirt."

"I'm very grateful he had blue balls."

"I am not going to mention any other end- ... ender- ... hormone things."

And finally, the oft-heard refrain (paraphrased):
"When I do my own revue I'll be taking the piss out of you lot and the stupid things students say."

They do things differently over there

We saw this road sign on our car journey to Wales:

Blaise: "Roadworks in Australia?"

Neuro = last rotation = yay

Nick Jefferey, trying to get his dog to lie down for a neurological exam
(imagine all patiently said with the same intonation):

"Fred, down." [dog does nothing]
"Fred, down." [dog does nothing]
"Fred, down." [dog does nothing]
"Fred, down." [dog does nothing]
"Fred, down." [dog does nothing]
"Fred, down." [dog does nothing]
"Fred, down." [dog does nothing]
[he lifts Fred and forcefully lays the dog down on his side]
"Good boy, Fred!"

----

After being offered the chance to test tendon reflexes with a patella hammer:

Greg: "Nah, I've tapped a fair few dogs in my time. [pause] Ohhhh... that sounded terrible."

Vet Chat

Please note most of the following are as accurately phrased as memory would allow...

----

Simon: I was at a camp once where they made this guy wax his own pubic hair... when he pulled it off he went [mimes grabbing at the area in pain] but then his hand got stuck and he had to rip that off too.

Phil: What kind of camp do you go to, Simon?!

Simon: Oh, I didn't go to it - I was in charge.

----

Chris and JP have been openly plotting for about 5 minutes, then:

Chris (to Simon): We're going to send a hundred pizzas to your hotel room.

JP: We could send a hundred pizzas and a prostitute.

Chris: Why not just send a hundred prostitutes?

Simon: If you're doing that can you send at least one pizza?

JP: They'll all be male prostitutes.

Simon: Well, I'll be able to have a night off.

----

Chris (re: his [ginger] beard): I was thinking of dying it blue. A nice deep aquamarine.

Simon: For camouflage among the dolphins?

Sophie: ...Dolphins have ginger beards?

----

JP (re: his beard, to Sophie): You're just jealous because you can't grow one.

Sophie (immediately): Yes I can! ... Um.