Overheard on the train

A builder, to his mate: "We earn twice as much as they earn, but he earns twice as much as we earn, so he's earning THREE TIMES what they earn!"


I wonder if he'd have been even more outraged had he realised the truth.

On bad jokes

Blaise: "The thing that strikes you about Wayne Rooney is his face..."

Chris: "No, the thing that you want to strike about Wayne Rooney is his face..."

[seconds later]

Chris: "I didn't think I'd get that much laughter."

Reunion = drunk people = quotes

James: "I came twice in quick succession... [shortly afterwards] Ooh, I'm going again!"

Sarah T: "My cup is as big as my face!"

Han-Ley: "Is she nice?"
Blaise: "Nice... but... a mathmo..."

James:
"This morning, I thought I had swine flu. I had rashers all over my body, I was scratching everywhere, and I had a temperature - I was bacon hot. I rang NHS Direct, but the line was bad, so I just got a load of crackling. They told me to use oinkment."