And the award for Best Foreign-Language Pick-Up Line goes to...

(Not to be confused with Best Pick-Up Line.)

Spanish bloke: "Wanna come make some tourism with me?"

Where in the world is...

Celery colleague #1: "I'm going to Warsaw for a conference."

Celery colleague #2: "That's nice. Is that in the North?"


See other Geography fails here, here and here.

On circus entertainment

Spending 7 hours making rainbow jelly vodka shots whilst the turducken roasted...

Dr James 'Jimbear' Blundell: How do you think it'll taste?
Dr Dr Richard Manns: (Without missing a beat) Like sucking off a clown.

Afterwards, Dr Blundell tried his first one and immediately coughed/sprayed it over the other 79. This didn't stop their consumption by all.

Always best to know when to stop

Andrew is fairly new to poker and has been drawn to bet far too much money on a bad hand, which he eventually loses...

Andrew: "I just - he raised me, and I couldn't stop betting..."
HL: "Don't ever go to Las Vegas. You'll leave naked. With AIDS."
Others: "...AIDS?!"
HL: "Prostitution for more gambling money."

Yes, yes it was

While assembling HL's own-recipe bruschetta together in the kitchen -

Han-Ley: "You're like the Spartacus to my da Vinci!"
Me: "I don't think you mean Spartacus..."

After a quick lesson from Wikipedia -

Han-Ley: "So... that was the worst analogy ever."

All right, enjoy the scenic route then

As I'm unlocking my bike across the street from Trinity Great Gate, a man on a bike stops by me -

Man: "Excuse me, can you tell me where St John's College is?"
Me: [pointing at the very nearby main gate, right in front of us] "It's that big building right over there."
Man: "On the left?...er...right?"
Me: "On the left, yes."
Man: "On the right?"
Me: "On the left. That big gate with gold designs over it, see, right there."
Man: "Okay, thank you."

As I watch, he cycles off (the wrong way up a one-way street) and turns off... to the right.

Overheard in Primark

"I should totally be the new Trinny & Susannah."
- hipster boy wearing girls' jeans and a beret

-----

In the far end of the women's changing rooms, a loud conversation starts up in (as far as I can recognise) Cantonese. The cubicles next to me house a group of English teenagers -

Girl: "Uh, are they taking the piss or are they speaking, like... a language?"
Friend: "Shhh! ... I know what you mean though."

Needs further investigation

Richard, regarding the use of a touch-screen phone:

"It's so much better than stroking my girlfriend's cleavage!"

Yes, this is something we still tease her about.

After I brought up "is New Zealand that one next to Belgium*?" again, Louise attempts to show us that she can point it out on a map...

Louise: "I do know where it is, look..."

[flips to a map in her schoolbook, studies it for a bit]

"... oh wait, it's not in Europe, is it..."

[puts away the MAP OF EUROPE she was searching through]

[family bang heads on table]

------

*Yes, it was actually Luxembourg in the original quote, but for some reason Belgium became the joke.

At least *I* haven't been walking in circles or talking to myself lately...

Han-Ley is sitting at the PC looking at an item description page on a computer-bits website when I come up and look over his shoulder...

Me: Pooders!
HL: What?
Me: Pooders!
HL: [blank stare]
Me: Pooders. Pu-ters?... Computers.
HL: That... doesn't really work.
Me: [sulky] Kathryn used to say it...
HL: But didn't someone close her head in a Jeep door once?

And this is why it's important to read the label.

A lecturer trying to reassure us that deciding what drug to give an exotic pet wasn't a scary and difficult process...

"After all, Baytril's just as good for an invertebrate as it is for a cat. No, wait, it's not good for cats because it makes them go blind, but..."