It's a minor difference, really

Cez, re: Boris Johnson -

"He jumped in a river to save someone."
[funny looks from others in the room]
"...well, he fell in a pond once."

All right, enjoy the scenic route then

As I'm unlocking my bike across the street from Trinity Great Gate, a man on a bike stops by me -

Man: "Excuse me, can you tell me where St John's College is?"
Me: [pointing at the very nearby main gate, right in front of us] "It's that big building right over there."
Man: "On the left?...er...right?"
Me: "On the left, yes."
Man: "On the right?"
Me: "On the left. That big gate with gold designs over it, see, right there."
Man: "Okay, thank you."

As I watch, he cycles off (the wrong way up a one-way street) and turns off... to the right.

Overheard in Primark

"I should totally be the new Trinny & Susannah."
- hipster boy wearing girls' jeans and a beret

-----

In the far end of the women's changing rooms, a loud conversation starts up in (as far as I can recognise) Cantonese. The cubicles next to me house a group of English teenagers -

Girl: "Uh, are they taking the piss or are they speaking, like... a language?"
Friend: "Shhh! ... I know what you mean though."

So We Did

Richard:

"Let's talk about something more wholesome. Like paedophiles."

Needs further investigation

Richard, regarding the use of a touch-screen phone:

"It's so much better than stroking my girlfriend's cleavage!"

Warning Signs For Dummies

Han-Ley:

"Do not drown in water. Water may impair breathing."