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NAB lecture, 29/11/05

The lecturer warned us beforehand that the camerawork was shoddy on the video (dogs showing hyperkinesia) we were about to watch, and it was definitely a bit unsteady...

Lecturer: "... and you can see the involuntary flexing of the hindl-"

[camera completely randomly pans away from both dogs and focuses on the floor]
[a beat, while camera stays fixated on the floor]

"... erm... that's the floor."

[camera shifts slightly]

"And that's the table."

[something brown bobs along the edge of the screen and disappears again]

"Ah, there's the dog."


(The cameraman did eventually manage to locate the dog again, thankfully.)

Yes, we all have autumn colds at the moment...

Bailey says:
Formalformalformalformalformal
Richard Manns | "Doing a drive-by in a combine harvester" says:
*imagines bouncing*
Richard Manns | "Doing a drive-by in a combine harvester" says:
*enjoys the mental image*
Richard Manns | "Doing a drive-by in a combine harvester" says:
*imagines some more*
Richard Manns | "Doing a drive-by in a combine harvester" says:
*gets tissue*

Who's Wade?

Cez:
Wade who?
Chem/Chem/Biochemist:
some bastard
Chem/Chem/Biochemist:
who was in love with boron
Chem/Chem/Biochemist:
a boron moron


Well, I thought it was funny, but I'm a scientist too.

Got to hand it to him...

James: Ooo? What are these strange bumps on my hand? Are they veins?

[two minutes pass, as James carefully inspects his hands...]

James: Oh wait! They're knuckles!

- Post formal... And he hadn't even been drinking that much!

We're not the only ones.....

Neurobiology lecture, 21st November 2005, 9.15 am


Lecturer:
... and, er, this thing here, um ... I've lost the plot.


Leading universities of the world thank you.

Clearing the backlog.....

I realise how dodgy the title is in itself, but I am literally shoving a pile of quotes at you that I've been scribbling down in lectures, that still amuse me when I read through them.

Most of them will make you worry about the future of the NHS.


Neuroanatomy supervision, 9th November


Richard: You can whip it out quicker than you put it in....


This integrated itself as a bullet point into my notes on deep brain stimulation as a treatment for Parkinson's disease.



Repro lecture, 14th November



Lecturer: ... and I presume you can all read, so we'll just skip this bit.... [flips forward about eight pages]

Pathology lecture, 14th November

Lecturer: We could infect a hundred children with the virus and see what happens, but some people found this unethical.

Pathology lecture, 16th November

I think this one is best kept out of context; enough to say it was spurred by my giggling at a picture of a part of the brain that resembles testicles.

Richard: You're a bollock.
Cez: You're a bollock.
Richard: We're two bollocks. And Sarah Donnelly is our scrotum.

From Jo's Party, 11/11/05

Bailey: "Kishing"?
Sarah (Fitz): Yes, it's like kissing, only with Sean Connery.

More mathsy humour

Girl: You know the Fields Medal? Is it any good?
Friend: Yeah, it's like the Nobel Prize for maths. Why?
Girl: Oh, my daddy has one

-Ditsy girl overheard in Super Hall

Priorities.

Steve: Does she do Maths?
Heaney: Yes.
Steve: Is she good at fellatio?
Raccoon: Did you just say "does she do Maths?"?
Steve: Yes.
Raccoon: That's disgusting.

Compensating for something?

"It's like a Wonderbra for my hands!"

- an excited Richard notes the size-enhancing properties of his extra-thick gloves...

Another appearance from the Raccoon.

After seeing me say goodbye to Steve for the night...

Raccoon: [muttering] Gay.
Me: What? Me?
Raccoon: Yes, you're gay. Gays kiss boys.

Or at least that's what he's been told, I assume.

Special guest 2: Ed Heaney

The following is a much reduced form of an MSN conversation with a very happy Heaney. 04/11/05.

Alchemist:
i am now on a massive sugar high

and being exuberant at everyone

Alchemist dances

Alchemist:
it's fantastic

i am unbelievably hyper

i am now listening to Survivor, Scooter, Rammstein and Ace of Base (on four different media players) ALL AT THE SAME TIME

and trying to dance to it

and succeeding only in bouncing around like a bouncing thing

there were about 3 heaped teaspoons of coffee, 10 sugar cubes, 3 heaped teaspoons of hot chocolate, about 2 teaspoons each of creme de cassis, red wine and honey

the rest was of course made with boiling water

the whole thing is pretty close to saturation point and only just staying as a solution

Bailey:
did it really all fit in one mug?

Alchemist:
yes

Bailey:
I have to try it at some point

Alchemist:
i have also eaten about half of a sainsbury's genoa cake thingy

which is fruit and sugar and additional fruit and additional sugar

and that is just adding to the fun

FEUER FREI. BANG BANG!
HOW MUCH IS THE FISH?
LOVE WILL COME TO YOU, YOU ARE ALWAYS 21
IT'S THE... EYE OF THE TIGER...

-----
later...
-----

Alchemist:
"You scored as Sex God.



You are a master at sex. You make your partner weak in the
knees, and you know it. You've had the practice, and you've
read the books, but don't get too cocky (pun intended) or
you'll get put into place.

Sex God

96%

A Slave To BDSM

81%

A Romantic

23%

Virgin

3% "

Alchemist:
PROFIT

Alchemist wonders which of his toes is still a virgin.

Special guest 1: David Williams

Quotes from our rather entertaining lecturer in Vet. Ethics...

'So you have these people, and their son's found a squirrel with a broken leg. And he wants to be a vet, and he's whining at you "Pleeease, please help him," so, what d'you think, would the owners... wait... sorry, parents, that's what you call them...'

later...

'So, do you give it a bit of blue juice, send him to the big oak tree in the sky, and tell the kid, "Don't be sad, go get yourself a cat - I'll vaccinate and worm it and everything for you (and fleece you for that)..." '

and on the topic of large animals:

'Well, the reason for keeping these animals is not [fawning voice and cat-stroking gesture with idiotic facial expression] "AwwwAAAWWWWawww, lovely an-ee-mal"...

erm... you kill it.'


Notes: these quotes from the PfVP lecture on Monday 31st October 2005. They're slightly paraphrased because I couldn't write them down as fast as he was talking...

Special Guest Star: Cabbage

Halloween weekend 2005

Celery tries to leave Iceland, the sliding doors of which shut in her face.

'Cabbage': [like it's obvious] That's the exit.
Celery: Oh, yeah.

There is a pause as they contemplate this.

James' mathematical genius

Upon viewing Computer Design lecture notes...

James: Hehe... you've got a function here called A.D.D.. Oh wait, it's 'add'.

Rammmmsheee... (hic)

Ramsey [after 9 units in wine and cider and looking at his new hand in poker] : Errr... seven of... {long pause} ...shit.

He folded not long after.

Ramsey [a few minutes later, singing along to background music] : And I would wank 500 times and I would wank 500 more... [mumbles away as realises 4 people are listening]