An original!

Cez: "I just stood there for ages while they went to fetch the cheese platter. It was like waiting for Gouda."

On bad jokes

Mr. Dad Jokes: "In Jamaica, a shepherd's pie costs 50 cents. A vegetarian pie costs 30 cents. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean."

On long car journeys

We are playing Quantum Go Fish, where the categories and cards are made up as you go along...

Shahar: James, do you have any games consoles?
James: Yes.
Shahar: Do you have an X-Box?
James: Yes. [hands over the "card"]

Later...

James: Richard, do you have any food containers?
Richard: Yes.
James: Do you have an eggs box?

On Shakespeare

[Re: Warehouse 2B]

Nick: "Is that because it's still in planning?"

 

She was just ox-ing for that pun

Told to me after they'd been out on a countryside walk:

Gerard: "Those calves have a lot of energy, look at them running around."
Louise: "They're gamboling."
Gerard: "The steaks must be high..."

She's on a roll

While visiting my aunt, she told us about a minor car accident they'd had due to losing a wheel unexpectedly.

Aunt: "The steering column started to vibrate first, and we didn't know it was a problem, and I grabbed onto it and said to [passenger], 'Look, I'm Dolly Parton! #IIIIIIiiiiieeeeIIIIIIiiiieeeeIIIIIiiii, willlllll allllllwayyyyys lovvvvvve yooOOOOOOOuuuuu....#' and then there was a bump and I looked out the window and said 'That's my fucking wheel rolling away!', and then we went 'clonk' and stopped."

Mammy: "You know what she did as her encore? '#You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Wheel...#' "

Zing!

During my unexpected extra day at home, there was a family chat re. my upcoming additional year in university -


Uncle Martin: "Well, you know, it's a good year to have stayed back, with the economy and all -"
Me: "Yeah, everything's up in the air at the moment."
Mammy: "Except aeroplanes."

A glimpse into my Amazing, Awe-Inspiring, and Thoroughly Wonderful Sense of Humour

Ruth: "Are you alright to carry the fish and chips home?"

Cez: "Sure, I'll cuddle it to keep it warm ... or should I say, I'll CODdle it."

Ruth: [laughs, despite herself]


The above fish pun is dedicated to James O'D. Long may he rain! (Because fish like the rain, see...)

Reunion = drunk people = quotes

James: "I came twice in quick succession... [shortly afterwards] Ooh, I'm going again!"

Sarah T: "My cup is as big as my face!"

Han-Ley: "Is she nice?"
Blaise: "Nice... but... a mathmo..."

James:
"This morning, I thought I had swine flu. I had rashers all over my body, I was scratching everywhere, and I had a temperature - I was bacon hot. I rang NHS Direct, but the line was bad, so I just got a load of crackling. They told me to use oinkment."

More word play

Cez: "I like what you did with the shoes in the hallway. Very creative."

Ruth: "It's conceptual art."

Bill: "But what's it got to do with conception?"

On feminism

Ruth, a feminist: "Oh Sarah, you're such an anti-feminist!"

Bill: "That's also what Ruth's nieces and nephews will call her."