Telling tails

I have recently treated workmate R's cat Jackson after he came home dragging his tail limply behind him. R is a married woman. We have this conversation in the prep room with Oz Vet working on something else in the background. 

R: "He's managed to get it up this morning! Almost halfway. He's still not able to use it properly though. You know, [husband] thought maybe he just slept on it funny and made it go numb..."

[Oz Vet's eyes have been getting gradually wider...]

R: "...so maybe that's why his tail wasn't right. Jackson does silly things like that."

Oz: "Oh thank God. I thought you were talking about your personal life!"

He really walked into that one

Featuring special guest, coworker vet D (which in this case will stand for Dublin vet school), who frequently brings up Cambridge and Stephen Hawking when winding me up...

As D and I cross paths in the ward I accidentally almost trip him:

D: "Tch, trying to trip me. Would you do that to Stephen Hawking?"
Me: "How do you think he ended up in a wheelchair?"
D: "... I'm not talking to you anymore."